debt owed: denial

Wednesday, October 2, 2013



I have a feeling a lot of these posts will end in my vowing to avoid denial.

For that is what I have been doing, is it not?

I had been cautiously tip-toeing around this space in my brain, this space filled with growing debt. Avoiding it. Slamming the computer shut when I get overwhelmed by the numbers staring at me on the screen. Finding other things with which to fill my headspace.

It is a strange thing to realize that this debt is not some problem that can be fixed in a few steps. It is something that will likely be with me my whole life, or at least the better half of it. Sometimes that makes my chest tighten and panic bloom in my belly. But other times.... other times, it makes me feel okay. It makes me feel like, I have my whole life to figure out my relationship to this thing.

I do believe I have a relationship with it. As if it's a living breathing entity. As if the whisperings in my ear were real. As if it was sitting beside me as I logged onto the student loans website and could see the way I hesitated with each click.

So maybe I just need to make friends with it ;)



___




This series is not a perfect view of how to deal with your student loans. It's my documentation of my own experience with it. 

No comments :

Post a Comment

Hello! I love & appreciate getting comments. I often reply directly, so click the "notify me" box or check back if you want to.