portrait of a girl at twenty-two years, seven months, and precious few days

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Well if it wasn't the blank box, and me at 11:55 pm, back together again. I've been having some thoughts, you guys. Thoughts like--there are so many things I want to do and be better. So many things I'd like to change about myself. More this! More that! More of something. Or like, I need to change the way I do things. To maximize my productivity and to make sure I'm on the right track and to plan little things and big things. In the correct order. There are so many blog posts and videos and podcasts that say, there is no correct way to do this but here is my way. But somehow, for me, those still always translate into some ideal higher way of doing things and being a person than the way I'm being a person and doing my person things.

I think, really, I need to come to terms with myself. Not that I don't like myself. Just that I need to accept (& better understand) the way I do things. 

Duh moment. 

So, as of now, here are some things I know: 

Working with my hands makes me happy: this means flower arranging, cooking, building a loom, doing a weaving. Even scanning film (that ever tangible image source.)  
I will not be waking up at 7 am every weekend. Waking up at 10 does not mean my day is wasted. 
I do not need to know what I want to do with my life. 
I repeat, I do not need to know what I want to do with my life.
Henceforth, all five year plans are banned. (This doesn't mean I won't plan for the future. This means, I will ban an idea that gives me anxiety and counteracts the good effects of planning. When the time comes that I am bursting at the seams to write out all my goals and dreams for the next five years, I will do it. Until then I will keep living as smartly as possible for the present moment.)

Here is what I will be doing. 

I will be figuring out what makes me the happiest, most adjusted, most confident version of myself. And then I will do it.

1 comment :

  1. That's a great insight, thinking about the future too much makes me anxious too.


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