the morning blue hour

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

This morning my alarm went off, and went off, and I kept turning it off, pressing snooze, and sinking back into bed. Steele got up to take a shower and I wrapped all of the blankets around me and fell back into 5 minute stretches of sleep while the alarm blared. 

The days are getting shorter and the mornings are getting darker. The pre-dawn light coming in our bedroom windows turns everything a pale blue. It's the morning blue hour. I think it's even more delicious than the evening blue hour. 

I have a problem getting up in the morning. But it's hard to feel guilty about it when my bed is soft and cool, and Steele has turned on the heat and the hot air is blowing around, and the pale blue dawn light is coming through the curtains. 

It's hard to feel guilty about that. 

through the mamiya C330, pt. ii

Thursday, October 16, 2014

ingredients for today

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Ingredients for today:

Half-sleep cuddles from Steele. 
Biking in the pouring rain to get to work. 
Bon Iver coming through the headphones on the rainy ride. 
(The only way to bear a windy rainy bike ride.)
And later, a meandering bike ride home. (Not as rainy.) (Stop for pictures.) 
And even later, a bike ride to the library at dusk, this time with Steele. 
Quickly followed by Chinese food, 
And a few (four?) episodes of How I Met Your Mother
Two glass of wine
Followed by the sounds of the heater (the heater!) kicking on, 
And the occasional page turn by Steele, reading the Hunger Games. (Mockingjay, in which we witness Katniss suffer from PTSD, but that's another blog post altogether.)
And lastly, the sounds of my keys on the keyboard, as I put the words together into something that makes sense, something that builds the day and makes it what it was. 

A day. 

through the mamiya C330

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Oh Mamiya C330, you heavy beast. 

I have a box of 220 roll film given to me for free, (which I very much appreciate! Thanks Mark!) and it takes me forever to finish a roll. So long. There are 24 exposures in a roll of 220 (hence 220 vs 120) for those of you who know/care about these matters. Black and white hasn't really been my jam lately, so it took my quite a while to finish shooting two rolls of film. A few months. Half a year. Details, details. 

Either way, what we have here is time travel. Pure and simple. This is an extremely image heavy post. I don't do too many of these anymore, but I really wanted to keep these together. (Though I have many more images from these two rolls of film, so I may have to do a part 2.) If you don't mind, let me know how it sits with you in the comments. Image heavy posts yay or nay?

And now, let me transport you to this time last year to now: 

Until next time, beasty. 

the bee & the bear

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Last night I had a dream.

There was a tiny black bumble bee on my bathroom windowsill. He was having a hard time flying and his little fuzzy bee body was just kind of sitting there. Meanwhile, down at my feet there was a black bear cub who was ambling around and just learning to walk. 

Somehow it was my job to keep them both alive. So I was feeding them honey. I put a droplet on the window sill and the bee went over and started eating it. I gave the baby bear a lot more than a few droplets, and then I let them eat for a while. I was just kind of getting sad, in my dream, about how I was going to keep them and raise them both. I was thinking, what is the lifespan of a bumble bee, how big does it grow? And also will a bear become violent when it gets older? Can I really keep this soft and silky little bear cub even though it might one day want to eat me?

Unfortunately I woke up before I figured out my next move. (Hopefully I got to keep the bumble bee and the bear and they both stayed safe and sound.)

two kinds of light

Friday, October 10, 2014

Well would you look at that up there, the sky, it's been a while since it's been on this blog. I'm missing my Portland clouds really hard these days. I know I'm supposed to be all thankful for the continuing sunlight (It's been into the 70's around here, and it's not giving up.) but all I've been wanting are my blanket clouds and my misty rain. Ugh. All I know is that it was a very foggy day in mid-July that made me want to move here in the first place. And now the NW insists on sun. I don't get it at all. 

ANYWAYS. I've been printing more new work! And I may have some leads on possible shows. Something which will kick my ass into gear to get making. 

Yesterday I went up to OCAC for the student show, to support Melina, and I chatted with all the people there that I knew, mostly professors now that I'm old and grey. It was a nice little moment, feeling a part of it all. Then I drove that drive down Burnside all the way to my real life, and went to a critique group I'm a part of with the volunteers of Newspace. And it was another nice moment, to realize that I have these little bubbles of community still. Sigh. 

In other news, my bra is continuing in it's quest to make me feel like a grown ass woman. 

life update + some images

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Hi guys!

It's been about two and a half months since my last life update, and while that may not seem like a super long time, without the structure of school or a 9-5 job, life changes pretty quickly. So, aways we go!

>On the employment front: After accepting my job at Newspace, I also applied and was hired for a social media job with one of my favorite Portland companies Pigeon Toe Ceramics. At 8 hours a week it was easy to take on PTC and Newspace, except that my job at Newspace was meant to transition into full time in the fall. (Which we are now inside of!) I struggled a LOT with what to do. I knew I couldn't continue working for PTC if I stayed at Newspace (Even at only 8 hours a week, Social Media is something that needs to be constantly maintained.) But I have been a part of Newspace for almost two and half years, as a volunteer. I felt like it was my community. It was a tough decision, and I talked to everyone in my life about it. It was all I thought about for a few weeks there. (And I am really glad those weeks are behind me!)

>After many frantic conversations with the people closest to me, I decided to leave Newspace to pursue a job at Pigeon Toe. The work that I'm doing for them is lighthearted and creative, and I love the team there. Even though the company is obviously not my area (I have no idea how to wield clay) the work I'm doing is much closer to my interests and degree, and the aesthetic of the brand is right up my alley. It is still only 8 hours a week, which means I need to get a second job. I've got a few leads but I'll save that for the next life update, as nothing is set in stone yet.

>I've been working on my website! I already mentioned that in a post, but now I've actually started paying for it (I'm using Square Space) and everything is linked up. (Notice the new little navigation bar up there.) Click on "Portfolio" to get there. I will be adding work and updating it in the coming weeks. And there will be a writing section! Oh! Nothing here will change too much, I'm still using blogger. Though I did link to a subdomain, so you should see: up there, which is nice and fancy.

>I bought a new bra. This is definitely necessary info to have on a life update. Even more important is the size: 32DD!! What!? I feel like a grown woman. It's crazy. (For the record, I don't think they look that big, I think it's just weird bra sizing. But still.)

>I have been going dairy free, or attempting to. This is mostly an experiment to see if it helps my skin (At 23 my face is still holding on to the teenage years, or to be honest, getting worse.) I'm in the early stages, but I do think it's making a difference. Which is really sad for my favorite food: macaroni and cheese.

>I was accepted into a photo show! At Black Box Gallery, The Show is called Snapshot Aesthetic: Domestic and Everyday. The image in question can be viewed on their website, or in person if you live in Portland.

the book heart: no. 11 (#girlboss)

Okay, so #GIRLBOSS, by Sophia Amoruso, was kind of rocking all of the worlds I live in, at least the ones on the internet. Instagram. Twitter. Facebook. Blogs. More Blogs. Oh yeah, blogs?

(Just incase you have never heard of it and have no idea what it's about, I will give you the two sentence breakdown: Sophia Amoruso founded an Ebay shop that grew to a multi-million dollar business. #GIRLBOSS is a mix of her story and a motivational kick in the pants.)

I don't really read books like this too often. I guess because I feel like I am not "ready" for them. I have no idea what I want to do and no plan for how to get there. (Wherever "there" may be.) But I took the plunge and read #GIRLBOSS anyways, and I did not regret it. 

A few things: 

No1. I read this in one go on the plane ride from Denver to Portland. I find that I am most inspired on plane rides. It's the forward motion, the fact that you're returning home. And that even if you were only gone for a weekend, it feel like a fresh start. SO. Perfect time to read an inspiring-business-motivational-life book. 

No2. I don't have a business, or, as I said above, even know what I want to do. So there were some nuggets of wisdom that didn't quite apply to me. That's okay. What I got out of it the most was a craving to be more active in my life. More active in making this life what I want it to be. It definitely made me want to just GET SHIT DONE. Which is honestly a feeling I don't usually feel. (It's a feeling I very much want to feel, but usually easier feelings win out.) 

No3. The other huge thing I got out of it is that your path is your own. You make it. And you live it. And you don't have to follow someone else's path or judge your success based on theirs. I've read a few blogs reviews and comments that think #GIRLBOSS was very self-serving, and I completely disagree. On the 13th page Sophia writes: "The energy you'll expend focusing on someone else's life is better spent working on your own. Just be your own idol." 

Just be your own idol is my new life motto. Seriously. 

Throwback Thursday

Thursday, October 2, 2014

This photograph is something special. It was shot with the first SLR camera I ever had, an old rickety Vivitar that worked only half the time. This is my little brother and me, dancing in my old bedroom. I had this futon on the ground, a desk leftover from a childhood bedroom set, a traffic cone stolen from the highway, and most obviously, my walls were completely plastered with magazine pages. Looking back I'm slightly horrified that my wall was basically a huge advertisement. At the time I thought it was cool though, so, you know.

We are dancing to Voxtrot's The Start of Something. It was 7:51, according the the clock that barely squeezed into the frame. This is what we did. This was my life. This photograph is probably the happiest I look during this period of my life. Probably because my brother made me (and makes me) the happiest out of anyone. Happy in the pure joy way. 

I remember when I got this film back from being processed, these were the only frames on the roll that came out. I scanned the images and put them on Myspace and then gave them to my mom and told her to put them somewhere safe. I loved them and I wanted them always. She misplaced them. I gave them up for lost. I forgot about them. Then this past may when I went home for mothers day, I was putting a box in the workshop and opened up another random shoebox. There were a few images inside, not too many. I shifted through them and then I had these prints in my hand. 

Photography is the most luxurious gift in the world. I am so thankful to have this memento.

hello fall

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

It's fall! Hi Fall! Hello leaves. Hello warm mug of tea at night. Hello warm mushy oatmeal in the morning. 

I'm feeling good today. 

Spent the last two days working on a new website. It's going to be super simple. But that's what I like, so, hello. 

This picture is not actually from fall. But you know, light leaks can do that to an image. It feels all fall-y regardless. 

Also you know what else is great about fall? Downton Abbey! Yes! If you watch Downton Abbey, alert me immediately, as no one I know watches it anymore. But I'll never give up on Mary Crawley, so, you know.