rearranging the bricks

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Hi guys. I'm about to get on a plane to Colorado. The plane keeps getting further and further delayed and as it is, we will be rolling into Conifer around 4 a.m. or later. My life as of late has been fast paced and full to the brim, sometimes full of white noise. This space has felt it. My heart has felt it. My bones have felt it. 

I won't say that it will get better or that I will change, because that implies that there is something wrong with right now. And to be honest, there is nothing really wrong with right now. I am aware of all of the things in my life that need shifting, and I will shift them. Not change them, but shift them back into the places they need to be. I'll remove some bricks from my load and add others. I'll sort the order and put new bricks on top. Isn't that all life is? Rearranging, sifting, sorting, shuffling. I'm beginning to understand that there are certain things about me, about how I approach the world, that will never change (even if I wish I could change them.) And so instead of hacking at these bricks I'm carrying, trying to shape them into something else, I will re-stack them so they're manageable for the road forward. 

Now isn't this all cryptic. That's what I've been missing. Now for something solid and real, just look at that image up there. How much more solid can you get? It's been a while since I sat in front of the camera. And this was sitting--literally, I was on the floor. It's fitting, I think. I was scrambling around trying to get into the right position. I shot this frame, looked at it and saw something I liked. I kept shooting with the intention that I would get the same look but have my body slightly titled, but it just didn't happen. Sometimes (a lot of the time) the first photograph is the one I end up using. There's some amount of truth to it. I'm posing, but it's before I know how it will look. Before I'm trying to tuck my hair this way and bend my elbow that way. Even with the flaws, the image comes out looking more natural than the 30 I shot after. (This is a problem you don't get with film--no chance to self-correct, so every image comes out in that slightly naive way.) 

Now the passengers that have arrived in Portland are departing the plane I'm about to board. Now I get to board that plane, go up into the night sky, and touch down in the dead of the night. 

On home. 


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