WTF

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

If only every conversation I had with someone I rarely see went truthfully. It would go something like this:

Person: How are you? What have you been up to?

Me: I'm alright. Actually, you know, I'm floundering. I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I'm not really sure I feel like an artist anymore or that I'm working toward anything or that I'm okay. On paper all the parts of my life match up--I have a job, I am responsible, I have a great great relationship, I have friendships that have mostly sustained growing up, I am still making images, etc, etc. But somehow I still feel like I'm floundering. Somehow I still feel like most days end with me wishing I would have done more, been more, accomplished more. Somehow I still feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, like I'm struggling not to lose this race. I'm floundering. I'm struggling. I'm trying to build a whole life, to be a whole person, and most days it feels like it's barely enough. Is this normal? Should this be happening? Is this struggle going to make me a better person or is it all a waste of mental energy?

Person: WTF

Alas. Instead, it usually goes like this:

Person: How are you? What have you been up to?

Me: I'm good! (Quip about day job) You know, just trying to do this thing called life.

In conclusion, I don't know what the f I'm doing or who the f I am or what the f I'm supposed to know/be doing/have done by now. Since I am 100% clueless about all of these important life matters, have 3 images I shot today.


4 comments :

  1. I am 100% astounded all the time by how closely our experiences and feelings have aligned throughout the years.

    I GET this. I get this too much.

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  2. Life is full of this, unfortunately. We are raised to believe that one day everything will just *click* and be perfectly in sync. It rarely is. But that's also part of the beauty of life--the flexibility. Anything can change in a moment. I recently decided to put off grad school indefinitely. It'll happen some day--when the time is right. But that decision sure has thrown things into flux! Also, grief is a beast. It affects us in a myriad of ways--may of which we are totally unaware of. Give yourself time...enjoy the journey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good luck with all your changes Cat xx

      Delete

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