a chronicle; our engagement story

Monday, June 15, 2015

Holy Shit you guys. So much stuff has been happening in my life these past few weeks. The absolute biggest & best thing to have happened is that Steele and I are engaged. Maybe you follow us both on instagram and already know this. I actually wrote out the story of it a few days after it happened, but life got in the way of me publishing it. So now, a little delayed, here it is:

On Wednesday around midnight, Steele asked me to marry him. (I said yes. Then I ugly cried.)

Months and month ago, in September, I wrote a journal entry which basically consisted of me privately acknowledging that I was ready to get married. In December, in the dark of Steele's high school bedroom, I asked for a timeline. I told him I hated feeling like I wasn't a part of this huge decision. He said within the year. In February we went to look at rings, which placated me, and made me excited. It felt like the only thing standing in the way was saving money, getting a ring. In March he said it would happen in April. (I had began to get impatient again.) And in April he said it would happen in May.

On May 20th, this past Wednesday, at around 10:30 or 11, I was crying. I felt like a desperate girl waiting for a proposal. I fit into some gender stereotypes, and I don't mind. But I hated feeling like this girl that was hung up on something that wasn't going to happen. (Even though I knew it was going to happen. And I knew that the proposal was important to him.) I wasn't really telling Steele all of those feelings because I was worried I would screw up a proposal, so instead every other person in my life knew that I was so. ready.

Anyways. Steele apologized, and said that he didn't realize how badly I had been feeling, and that it was the ring, which had taken much longer to make then he hoped. I calmed down. And went and washed my face and applied all one zillion of my face things and came back to find a tiny, beautiful, perfect ring on my bedside table. We were laying in bed face to face and he asked and I sobbed and said yes and cried some more. It was tender and romantic in all the ways that romance is most real.

It's not unexpected. We've been getting engaged for months. The funniest part about all of it is that most people saw me waiting for him to propose. That makes sense. That's a stereotype that's well understood. But what they didn't see were the years and years where I was unsure. Where I was full of uncertainty, and how that was the root of both of our biggest rough patches. We came to at much different times, and really, Steele waited longer for me.

I am, as always, the same person. Still waking up too late on my days off. Still reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (and also R/S fan fiction). Still putting off doing the dishes and starting dinner. Only, I'm also not. Now a tiny pocket has opened up in my life to accept this change. Now I know with an even deeper certainty that Steele and I will always be growing into a deeper love together.


This has been without a doubt the happiest season of my life. It's all still a bit baffling but it feels so so good and so right to be making this step forward, and to be officially, finally, legally, (forever) next of kin and a real tiny family.

(Also my ring is the most beautiful rose-cut tiny silver diamond. It's absolutely perfect.)

3 comments :

  1. I see one flaw in your wonderful story! May 23 this year was not a Wednesday, but a Saturday! I know this because it was the day I got married! Haha! So happy for you two. It's been an amazing experience to watch you and Steele grow as a couple. I remember rooting for you two through some rough patches, and I very well could be the happiest stranger on the Internet for you two during this amazing time, your special time!

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    1. Ah! Nice catch, haha. It was the 20th :) Dunno why I put the 23rd in there. So glad to have you in our corner, xx.

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  2. I am so happy for you two! I know I've said it before. I felt so much the same when I was waiting for Dave to propose to me. At some point it feels like you've been waiting forever. It didn't help that I knew that the ring was being made...and then that it had been finished...and then that he had it....and he still hadn't proposed. Until he did, finally, in the middle of the night--all because he wanted me to be truly surprised. And not to mention the doubts. I feel ya there. But now...now, when you go through ups and downs, and you just keep going, it makes the love so much deeper. And it does feel different--there's more of a partnership. It's really pretty incredible. Obviously, I'm a fan :) Love you guys!

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