recently in 35mm

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

I haven't been shooting too much film, but had this small plan for my latest zine that I would just shoot for a month and put together a little book of images. It didn't happen for January and I ended up writing a short account of a night (which I'm hoping to post here in a week or so.) But it did force me to pick up the camera. I had Citizens scan the film instead of just getting it developed, and it's a luxury I may have to continue. It's so nice not dealing with scanning film.

Anyways. Details. Here are some moments from the past month:

a few resolutions for the new year

Friday, January 15, 2016

a flawed human, halfway through january.

Resolutions for 2016:

–Read more. My goal is one book a week, which I realize sounds a little daunting, but is more than doable for me when I'm focusing on it. So far I've been good about this.

–Go to bed early. (So I can wake up early.) This is literally always a resolution. I mostly fail at it, but I'm going to try again. Hopefully focusing on the bedtime part will help. I'd like to have a more consistent nightly routine, making tea, reading a bit, etc.

–One electronic free day per week: no cell phones, no TV, no computers. Unsure of what day this will be. Monday? Tuesday?

–Lose 15 pounds. I always say that I want to eat healthier and exercise. But this year I would really like to make it happen, and I think a number goal will help.

–Visit the studio 15 times per month. I made a little punch card so that if I meet my goal I will go out to a nice dinner.

And, above all, above all of this:

–Be a less anxious person. Be easier on myself. Be okay. (I know this contradicts everything above, but I'm going for a tiny bit of balance here.)

I did not make a clear goal for writing, or blogging here, but I do know that it will happen. And I know it's a huge part of that last resolution. I know it's a huge part of feeling like myself.

2015 is gone

Hi.

It's January 15, 2016.

January is basically over, or so I keep saying. But I still haven't really processed 2015. It seems a little late to do so, but I can't bring myself to post anything else until I do, either. A weird limbo.

One of my resolutions for 2015 was to write every day. It was a resolution I failed spectacularly at. As a result, I slogged through the later half feeling really out of it, like I hardly knew myself. I am beginning to realize that these growing pains, the growing pains of being a human, might never really go away. I guess I always thought they would. The word growing implies growth, which implies a state at which you have grown, and are done growing. Alas.

2015 was a big year, and it wasn't. Here are some things that happened:

–I left my day jobs, again, and got a new job, again. This time it has stuck and is thankfully not stressful and something which I leave at work when I come home.
–I moved into a studio space, then worked my ass off to put on a group show with my fellow artists and friends.
–I got engaged and began planning a wedding.
–I moved into a big house with Steele and all my closest friends.
–Our two mice Frances and Quincy died. I got a sunflower seed tattoo for Frances. Quincy tattoo pending.
–I moved out of my studio and into a new one.
–I started a zine club.

A lot of these things I haven't written about here. A lot of them have passed, and the words won't come anymore. A lot of tiny things happened too. Things like driving to work, sitting on the couch, watching TV, cooking, kissing Steele, building fires, looking up at the sky, waiting for it to rain, bemoaning the sun and the rain and the cold and the hot.

The truth is that for the past few weeks of 2015 I was desperately unhappy. I could look at my life on paper and understand that it was good, and that I had all the things I needed (and most of the thing I wanted!) but it wasn't clicking. I felt like a stranger to myself. I still feel like that, a little bit. It's not the best way to start a new year. It's not a finished ending, but when is it? I keep saying that all I can do is push forward. So that's what I'll keep doing. Being a human. Pushing forward. And trying my best.

12 for 2015

Friday, January 1, 2016

I haven't had the time to properly reflect on the year. Honestly it's throwing me off a little bit, hence why this is coming at you late. I promise (a promise more to myself than to you.) that I'll have the time to write a lot more about this past year this weekend. Until then, images, by month:


January, in the parking lot of my then day job.


February, flower confetti.


March, at a visit to the coast.


April, outside our apartment.


May, arranging sweet peas the day before Steele proposed.


June, in my brand new studio.


July, light lines in the apartment.


August, an empty wine glass at my birthday party.


September, at our new house with Julia and Melina.


October, in the sun room.


November, at the studio of an artist I work for.


December, playing with cattail fluff in the studio.