the day(s) we got married

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Today is our four month anniversary so I thought I'd finally share some images and writing from our wedding. All the photographs are by Schweitzer Creative aka, our good friends Peter & Kate. The words are from right now and are a bit rambly and drawn out.

On the day we got married (June 11, 2016.) I woke up in my own bed, in the house I shared with some of my best friends and Steele. I woke up to Steele saying goodbye to me. He was heading up to our venue to set everything up with his best lady (Grace, truly the best lady) and groomsmen (Dillon & Ryan).

But really, before we talk about the morning of, we have to talk about the night before. The night before our wedding I was on the couch after coming home from our rehearsal dinner. I was finishing up writing my vows. I know they tell you a million times to make time for the vows and to make sure you're not the idiot writing them the night before. But I was that idiot. One of my favorite memories is running downstairs after I had finished them, busting into the kitchen to read them out loud to Julia. I needed to test drive them. (Which is a good thing, because the first three times I read them out loud I sobbed like a baby. Wept.) Julia was in the kitchen because one of the many many things she did for us was to bake our cakes. (Yes, multiple cakes.) The kitchen was a disaster area. The cake scraps were tasty. And the cakes turned out so wonderful.

During it, I think the week before the wedding may have been one of the most intense/stressful weeks of my life. But now looking back I can just remember sitting at the kitchen table reading Julia my vows and crying.

The day before my wedding we did a rehearsal up at the venue, Amity Vineyards. Our officiate (and my former professor) Phil drove up so we could walk through the whole thing. I was obsessively checking the weather, as any person getting married outside in Oregon would be. It was cloudy and I was crossing my fingers that it would hold out for the next day. It started sprinkling as we walked down into the vineyard. Then just plain raining. We decided to carry on, timed the processional, and started rehearsing the ceremony. It poured. And kept pouring. And everyone stood there and we all got completely soaked.

The afternoon before our wedding I picked up Ali at the flowershop to take her with me to get our nails done. While it's probably stressful in the eyes of a florist, it was so cool to see everything being done. I'm not kidding when I say that the times I felt the most calm the week before was when I was around the wedding flowers. They put me at complete ease. When we first got engaged I met Ali at my favorite Portland bar, Angel Face, and while we were waiting for whoever was meant to join us, I asked her if she would do our flowers. She did such an amazing job. My bouquet was the most amazing lush, wild, arrangement of the best smelling sweetpeas and garden roses. And another one of my favorite memories is noticing a little spirally curl that was in Steele's boutonniere during the ceremony. It sounds silly, but it kept me focused.

I'm getting a head of myself. Things are fuzzy from the morning, truthfully. It's well documented on this here blog that my memory isn't the best. I tried to write down as much as possible the days after the wedding, and I'm unearthing more little moments while writing this, but I'm sure there are many tender and sweet moments that are lost to me.

My most clear memories are from the ceremony. They're the kinds of things I can't really put into words, but I felt the most present and the most happy during the ceremony. Everything else felt surreal, like I was looking down at my body from above, like I wasn't quite able to be a complete part of the party. But the ceremony felt like the most real thing I've ever experienced. (Just writing that paragraph though seems so trite.)

We did almost everything ourselves or, more importantly, with the help of our amazing friends. We were lucky to have our cake, flowers, photography, and set up (and clean up!) come completely from our friends and family. We literally couldn't have done it without them. I laugh myself a little calligraphy and did all our paper goods. The day was beautiful–no rain, and while the sun was out there were a few moments it went behind the clouds. (What I was hoping for!) We served pizza for dinner (Food was our biggest expense, but I knew it would be insanely stressful to try to do that ourselves.) Steele wore a bow-tie. I wore a white dress with a deep V back, and a grey veil. There were candles that dripped like crazy in the breeze. We danced to "You Swan Go On" by Mount Erie, which is the song Steele sings me to sleep with.

It is a strange thing to marry your high school sweetheart. When young people in serious relationships say "We'll grow together" it sounds insane, but truly that is what Steele & I have done and what I hope we continue doing always. I feel at once that it was inevitable, and that I am very far away from the person I was on December 14, 2007, when I went from being an angsty teenaged girl who was always bemoaning her lack of love, to an angsty teenaged girl who had to learn how to balance her angst with the joy she gained from her new relationship.

I'm not a teenager, but I still have to balance my tendency for angst with the happiness I have every single day I'm married to Steele. Our wedding was not the happiest day of my life, but some of my happiest memories are folded up in the days before and the day of, and the days after.

The day after we got married we woke up in our hotel room in downtown Portland. We ate breakfast in bed (ordered for us by Julia, another amazing thing she did for us.) We headed out, hand in hand, married. We went and took a photobooth. We drove back to our house and we gathered our things for Iceland. Julia was in bed. Ali was asleep on the couch. Dillon and Carly were gone. Ryan drove us to the airport. We were married.

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