wingardium leviosa

Sunday, August 6, 2017

A week ago I turned 26. The sun made another trip around the Earth, around me. Or rather, the Earth and I made another trip around the sun.

Listen, it’s not like anything’s different. I think I know that now. (As much as anyone can know anything at the age of 26.)

As I get older I have to fight harder to live in those tiny dewdrops where everything melts away. The world isn’t real. Time doesn’t matter. I’m floating in a river and I never make it downstream. The suspension happens so fast I miss it more often than not. Steele smiles and laughs at something Peter says. I levitate for a moment. I lean into Ali’s shoulder for a photograph. The candles on my cake won’t stay lit in the wind. I read the pile of love notes that accompany my many tiny and beautiful gifts.

I’m trying to let these moments rule, but gravity always pulls harder. It always comes in a menial form. My student loan payment increases. The cars need gas, again. Tiny kitchen ants. The unrelenting heat.

But for now we can talk of birthdays. For the third year in a row I requested a grilled pizza party. This time, in our own backyard. This time, Julia wasn’t here so I made all the dough the night before and spent my birthday morning baking an almond rose cake. We walked to the farmers market near our house and bought a small bag full of edible flowers to put on a pizza.

And just so I won’t forget it, I will tell you of the radicchio salad that was bright pink with raspberries, prosciutto, and shallots. I looked down on it and thought, what a beautiful salad. I should photograph it. But I didn’t. So now I’ll write about it. Also the pizza with ricotta, summer squash, and flower petals. It was beautiful, really, all of it. A whole evening can’t float but this one tried really hard.

Gravity always pulls me down and truthfully I spend a lot more time walking on the ground than I do levitating. Or as Watsky puts it, “But as time advanced the lovely days were covered up from view/By an advancing melancholy haze that hovered near the dew”

I’ve grown to know this see-saw of contentment, wonder, and anxiety will always be quivering and dipping from one side to the other. No matter how many things in my life are stacked on one side, there are always a few on the other. It doesn’t make my life bad, or sad, or tiresome. It just is. On the eve of my 27th birthday I have no doubts that I’ll still be playing this game, trying to balance them. Sometimes failing, and sometimes succeeding. I also have no doubt that there will always be the little dewdrop moments. I’ll try to remember them. I’ll photograph as many as I can. I’ll let them stack up, and I know in the end the scales will tip in their favor.

April 2017

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

The Portland weather has been wearing down on us lately. It's been a very cold, very wet spring. Yesterday we got home from work and it was misting and chilly, and when I got out of the car my coffee cup fell onto the driveway and shattered. (Now I absolutely must buy a real travel mug.) I stood there, defeated, and Steele said, "Well you better take a picture of it."

So I did. And once I had my camera out I realized how beautiful the evening was. Cold. But covered in mist. So I traipsed around the yard and photographed the tiny gems.

For some reason it made me want to write here. Even though it's been months, and before that my posting was sporadic at best. I recently let my brittanyvchavez domain expire, and as such had to do some upkeep over here, changed the header and put some new links in the sidebar, etc. I miss this place.

Life right now is steady, but it can often feel relentless. The endless cycle of wake-eat-work-eat-sleep can feel oppressive. Steele and I are over here in our little house just chugging along and though there are many many moments throughout the days that make it all worth it, moments that I want to save, I haven't done a very good job of documenting. I'm not doing a good job remembering.

So here are some recent good things:

All the blooming trees
Steele making my coffee each morning
Sylvan Esso on repeat
Book club with Rylee and Melina (Also, reading)
Facetimes with Jules
Anytime Ali hugs me
Daylight savings time! (I would be going insane without this one.)
Sour gummies
Kate & Peter being back (Re: Sour gummies)
Tiny blips of sun

12 for 2016

Sunday, January 1, 2017

January, during an ice storm.

February, pillow dent in our bedroom on Jessup St.

March, at my studio,

April, on our roof out the bedroom window.

May, exploded peonies leftover from Mothers Day.

June, in Iceland.

July, camping with Julia.

August, puttering in our new home.

September, Steele in front of our living room window.

October, drying rosehips.

November, a cresting wave in southern California.

December, naked cookies waiting to be decorated.